How It All Began


I’m Fonda Cox, that’s my name, not some weird introduction into my nocturnal habits, My life has taken an interesting path, along which I have graduated from a Brassy Blackpool Landlady to a Singing sensation, and here's how it all began...


I spent most of my working days in the northern Riviera, you may have heard of it, a very exclusive playground of the rich and famous…. Blackpool, well its not sooooo big a lie, Linda Nolan and Jimmy Cranky have holiday homes there, and Keith Harris and Orville, even have a nightclub there, how much more famous can you get?

I was the brassy landlady, Sorta like bet lynch, but with less chins and more glamour! I was the one that offered those £10 bed and breakfast deals where everything in your room was on a 50p meter, including the air supply, and the nylon sheets were so static, you could charge a mobile phone off your girlfriends hairdo in the morning! You know the sort, Where you go to bed looking like Morticia Adams and wake up looking like Sheena Easton!!!


All that static in a darkened room could be quite a danger, A night of passion between those sheets to the outside world looked like an indoor dodgem arena, sparks flying off every extremity! and that’s why I had to leave, I was taken to court by a gay couple that stayed there, they were deep in the throws of passion, when the epileptic boyfriend went down on his partner, and in all the strobe effects coming off the static sheets he went into seizure and his jaw clamped at a rather unfortunate instant……. The bastard bit off his boyfriends dick, they paid £15k for cosmetic surgery to reconnect it and tried to sue me for the medical bills. He should have taken the accident as a sign from god to take up drag and entertain the world without the inconvenient need to tuck!


As soon as I heard of the court case, I grabbed a wig off a promenade shack and ran to the train station wearing a green sequin dress and an ill fitting brown wig trying my best to look inconspiquous in a town like Blackpool, I looked like a cross between The Incredible Hulk and Hayley from Coronation Street! I then caught the first train to the arse end of the earth where no one would think of looking for me, Eastbourne! Within minutes of my arrival at that lack-lustre seaside resort, People came rushing over for my autograph, I was at first confused but soon realised, my new disguise had made me a dead ringer for Jane McDonald! And before you could say "Coach Party Cabaret" I was wowwing the crowds of tena lady sporting tourists in the music halls of Eastbourne! Since then I have evolved into a bit of an all rounder having dabbled in journalism, writing as an agony aunt, becoming a DJ and a compere, and working at all sorts of functions from birthdays to barmitzvahs, I went down especially well at the barmitzvah, because apparently I was the first woman with a foreskin that the jewish population had ever met!


You can now see me performing at a number of events across the South, or alternatively, you can book me for your own event's, follow the links at the top of this page to find out more.